


Umbrella academy one-shot collection

by marshmallow_gayt



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot Collection, not really any smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:48:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26318194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marshmallow_gayt/pseuds/marshmallow_gayt
Summary: Just Umbrella Academy one-shots, what else can i say?//Requests open!//
Relationships: Allison Hargreeves & Vanya Hargreeves, Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves/Lila Pitts, Klaus Hargreeves/David "Dave" Katz, Raymond Chestnut/Allison Hargreeves, Sissy Cooper/Vanya Hargreeves
Comments: 18
Kudos: 22





	1. Requests open!

So, requests are open! If you have any ideas for anything, ask for them in the comments, or send them to me over on tumblr at "whose-cat-is-it-anyway". 

In terms of what I'll write, pretty much anything goes. I'm not great with smut, so no sex scenes unfortunately. If you want a chapter where it deals with rape or any non consensual stuff, I'll have to think about it, sorry.

Also, I know this fandom is quite bad for sibling shipping, but incest doesn't sit great with me, so none of that guys. 

But apart from that, send them in!


	2. Jealousy || Lila x Diego

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ||Could you do one where Lila comes to 2019 and is jealous of Eudora and Diego’s friendship. Thx||

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mwahahaha JEALOUSY. this isn't really so much jealously, more just of Angst™. Oh well, sorry lol.
> 
> And also to the person who asked for Diego/Lila fluff, this is definitely NOT it pahaha
> 
> I was actually pretty excited about this one, also in this house we stan Lila Pitts, the queen.  
> Also, Sparrow academy who? I'm sorry, but i don't have enough effort to write them in. they just don't exist.  
> And patch is alive, because i say so.

It had been a couple of months since the Hargreeves had returned to 2019, but this time with a new team member. Lila.

When they had got back, the house was deadly silent. there was no Mum, no Dad, no Pogo, but most importantly, no apocalypse.

It had taken a while for the siblings to get used to Lila, but she settled in quick enough. There would be moments where she would forget that these people weren't her family, and she didn't not grow up with them. She was finally happy, and content.

It was a chilly morning, and the calming sound of rain hitting the roof was one that had went on all night.

Slowly but surely, all eight of them came down for breakfast. Lila was the last wake up.

When she entered the kitchen, it was a fairly normal normal sight, for this family at least. Luther was standing over the hob, making a very large amount of eggs. Allison and Vanya were laughing at something on Allison's phone. Klaus was chattering away to Five, who was hunched over a cup of coffee very protectively, and doing his best to ignoring his brother.

And Diego, Oh Diego. He was twirling a knife in one hand, and hold a spoon in the other. "Show off" She muttered to him as she sat in the chair next to him.

"Mm maybe." he said back. "I've got to go to work today, Do you want to stay here or come?"

Five snorted from across the table. "Work? You mean run around in some black spandex like a low-grade batman?"

Diego flipped him off.

Lila sniggered at the two. "Yeh sure, I'll come. And I'll show you up in front of anyone who's watching."

"Hmm I'd like to see you try." Diego said, leaning in for a kiss.

"Oh you would, would you?" She laughed.

"Yep"

"Eww, no snogging at the table, thank you." Klaus said in disgust. "Honestly, get a room." He turned to five, waving his hand. "Millennials these days, eh?"

Five just shook his head and left, blinking to who knows where.

The rest of them slowly filtered away to get dressed, until it was just Lila and Diego.

"Ready?" He asked her.

She nodded, and left to get ready.

About an hour later, they were leaving. It was comfortably quiet in the car.the windsceen-wipers were on, and there was that constant patter of water hitting the car.

Diego turned on the radio, and a familar up-beat pop-song came on.

Lila gasped and tuned to Diego, grinning. "Oh. My. God. I love this one!" She turned it up, and sang along to the lyrics.

Diego chuckled at her. His stomach was doing flips. God, he was in love with this girl.

They arrived at the police station fairly quickly. He slammed the car door behind him. "OK, let me do the talking, alright?" He put his hood up, and she did the same.

Lila rolled her eyes, and mockingly mumbled something along the lines of "Yes Sir".

"What are we actually even doing here? Like, surely the don't just let people walk into a police station."

"Yeh, but i'm not just people." He said, zipping up his jacket. "Let's go."

They walked into the tall building, taking down their hood. Diego was walking in front and Lila followed closely behind. A couple of people nodded at Diego. He nodded back.

"What, do you know these people?" She whispered to him.

"Some of them, yeh" he whispered back.

Suddenly, a woman was standing right in front of them. She just popped out of no where!

"Diego?" She asked. There was a hint of something in her voice, but Lila couldn't quite place it. She had long dark hair which was drawn back into a tight bun, and light olive skin. When Lila thought about it, the two of them actually looked quite similar.

Diego stopped, almost like a deer in headlights. He did't move for a couple of seconds. "Eudora?"

The woman, who Lila assumed was called Eudora, laughed nervously. "Oh my god, Diego! Wow! Long time no see, eh?"

Diego nodded. He could barely get his words out. "Um, uh, Yeh. It's uh, been a while."

Eudora nodded. "How have you been?"

Diego just nodded again. "Good, yeh, good. How about you, how have you been?"

Eudora smiled, and glanced at Lila. "Yeh, good."

"That's good." He muttered.

"So, where have you been? Nobody's seen you for weeks!" She asked.

"Um, yeh. I've just been, Uh," He glanced to Lila, whose eyebrows were raised. "Spending some time with my family. A lot."

Lila squinted at him. Something was off here.

The woman nodded, but she didn't look convinced. "Right. And is this one of your sisters?" She pointed at Lila.

Lila laughed, very loudly. "What?!"

She stopped laughing when she seen the look on Eudora's face. "Oh my god, are you being serious?"

"Yeh... Why?"

Diego opened his mouth to speak, but Lila got there first. "I'm not his sister, I'm his girlfriend!"

They all went quiet.

Diego wanted to die. Like, really properly die.

Eudora just look at him with sheer, utter, distain.

A man appeared at Eudora's side and and handed her a file. He muttered something into her ear, to which she nodded, smiled at Diego, then left.

Eudora took in a deep breath and clapped her hands together. "Well, whatever your name is, it was lovely meeting you." She then turned to Diego. "And to you, get fucked." She then turned on her heels and left.

Diego put a hand to his face. Could that have gone any worse? Probably not, he thought.

Lila just stood there, her face just full of confusion. "Who was _that_?" He didn't answer, and just left.

"Diego!" She shouted after him. When he didn't turn around, she began to run after him.

When she caught up with him, he was already outside and walking towards the car. It was properly raining outside.

She grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him round. "Hey, what the fuck was that about?!

Diego tried to keep on walking.

"Hey! Don't try to ignore me, dipshit!"

Diego wouldn't look at her, but instead chose to look at a passing car.

Lila's voice became softer. "Hey, talk to me." She put her hand to his cheek at turned it towards her. "Who was she."

He shook his head, looking into her eyes.

"What- Why won't you tell me?!"

He pursed his lips. 

"What was she, an old fling?" She joked. She soon seen from the look on his face, that she had struck a chord. 

He was now staring at the ground, and the way the raindrops made the puddles ripple. 

"Diego..."

"I-"

"How long were you dating for?" She asked, cutting him off.

He sighed. "A while."

She nodded, trying to keep calm. "Ok. How long has it been since you broke up?"

"I don't know. But like a couple of days before the apocalypse, she was murdered by some commission bitch. I didn't even know if she was actually going to even be here, I promise!"

She looked at him in pure disbelief. "Wait, did you come looking for her?!"

He thought about lying, but decided to tell the truth. "Yes." His voice was quiet, and she could just about hear him over the passing of traffic going through the puddles.

Lila nodded, and rubbed her face with her hand. She couldn't believe she was about to ask this. "Did you come here deliberately so you could see her?"

He took a deep breath, "Yeh, I did.

Lila laughed, but it wasn't happy.

Another car drove past, it almost splashed them. At this point, it wouldn't matter if one did, they were both already soaking. Water was dripping from Lila's hair, and her face. Or maybe those was tears.

"So what am I to you, just some stupid fling?" Yep, those were definitely tears. It sound like she was holding back a sob.

"No, Lila, of course you're not!"

"Someone who you'll just discard as soon as you're bored and done with too, huh?"

"No!" He was almost shouting.

People were beginning to stare at the two of them, and Diego was beginning to notice. "Look, let's not do this here. come on."

He tried to take Lila by the arm and direct her towards the car door, but she was having none of that.

She slapped his hand off her arm. "No actually, I would like to do this, here and now."

"Fine, what even is there to argue about? So what, I went out with someone else before I even knew you. Is that a crime? Come on, you must have dated other people before us." He said.

"Yeh Diego, of course I dated other people before us, but I didn't fucking bring my current boyfriend to stalk my dead ex-boyfriend!"

Diego threw his hands up in the air. "For gods sake, I only wanted to see if she was alive! Is that too much to ask?!"

"No, of course not, but it's not too much to ask, to not bring me!" 

He rolled his eyes. "Honestly, you are over-reacting a little here."

She blinked at him. "I'm over-reacting?"

Diego shrugged. "Yeh, you are."

"I'M OVER-REACTING?"

"Ok, you need to calm down." He said, his arms were out in front of him.

"You know what Diego, fuck off. Just, fuck off. My mum was right, you aren't worth it." She said as she started to walk away.

"Oh Lila, don't be like that, come back! Lila!" He shouted after her. The rain was dripping from his face. "Lila!"

"Lila!" He shouted again. She didn't turn around.

"Lila!"

"Lila!"


	4. Super-Sneezing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanya gets a cold and spreads it to the rest of the family. Chaos ensues  
> (1/?)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not my idea, I got the idea from a Tumblr post listed below. Honestly this was just such an amazing idea, I just had to do it. I'll probably do a couple of chapters on this.  
> Https://honeybee-babe.tumblr.com/post/628547934674370560

Five was sitting at the kitchen table trying to solve a new equation, when Vanya got back from orchestra practice. He could hear her sniffling from 3 rooms away.

“Hi Vanya, how was orchestra?” He asked her as she entered.

She put her violin case down on the table and went straight to the cupboard with the paracetamol, completely ignoring him.

He cleared his throat, trying to get her attention. “Excuse me? I said hello?”

She popped a few pills from the packet and swallowed them dry.

“Jesus, Vanya.” Her face was more pale than normal, and she seemed slightly unsteady on her feet. He looked at her for a couple more seconds, then went back to his calculations.

Klaus and Allison walked in, arguing about something. 

“All I’m saying is, Jaffa cakes are obviously superior.” Said Allison.

Klaus looked shocked. “Allison, you’re a fucking psycho to put Jaffa cakes over oreos- Vanya, wow. You look like shit!”

She only blinked at them.

“Hey, you good?” Allison asked softly, going to put a hand on her arm.

Before Vanya could answer, she sneezed. 

And all the plates and glasses in the shelves smashed.

Everyone screamed as China and glass fell around them, crouching and covering their heads. 

Five slowly lifted his hands from his head and looked around. “What. The fuck. Was that?”

Luther and Diego burst into the room, then stopped as soon as they seem the mess.

“Woah.” Diego breathed.

“What the hell happened in here?!” Luther demanded.

Vanya sniffled. "I think it was me."

Klaus scoffed. "You think?"  
Allison hit him on the head.  
"Ow."

Luther picked up a broken price of plate. "How, exactly?"

"She sneezed." Five said, as if it were obvious.

"Yeh, I've got a cold." Vanya agreed. "I've been sniffling all day, but that's the first time that's happened."

"Ok. Anything else?" 

"Headache?"

"Ok, so nothing life threatening." Allison brushed a bit of glass from her sister's hair. "Come on, let's go get you warmed up, you're freezing."

She picked Vanya up and helped her out the door to go upstairs. Just as they were leaving she said "And boys, get cleaning." 

Klaus immediately protested. "There's no way I'm cleaning this up-"

About an hour later, they were all sitting in front of the TV with hot chocolates, pop-corn and blankets.

Grace had picked the film. It was one of Allison's more popular movies. 

"Now, I can't actually remember if there's anything risky in this one." Allison said. 

Her and Vanya were sharing a blanket, as were Diego and Klaus (much to Diego's objection), and Luther and Five had their own ones.

"And by risky you mean..." Klaus then did a surprisingly good impression of two people making out, by turning around and wrapping his hands around his back, then moving them up and down.

Allison threw a bit of popcorn at him. "Yes, I mean that." She then pointed at them, saying "and if there is, we are turning it off."

Vanya sniffled again as she passed the pop-corn over to Five.

Five took some, and then past it on to the others.

Fortunately for Allison, there was no "risky" bits in the movie.

"Diego, give me the pop-corn, now." Said Five.

Diego sighed, the smirked. "Fine, murder child. If you can catch it."  
Five realized what he was about to do. "Wait, Diego NO-"

Just as Diego was about to let go of the bowl, he sneezed, and flung the thing in the exact opposite direction at about 90 miles an hour.

Vanya ducked, it just missing the top of her scalp, and the thing became implaled in the wall.

Everyone stopped. A pin you could be heard if dropped. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Five shouted. "I just wanted the fucKING POP-CORN!"

"Calm down!" He shouted back.

"Stop shouting!" Allison said like a mother.

"ILL STOP SHOUTING WHEN I WANT-"  
Suddenly, he sneezed, there was a flash of blue light, and was gone. 

The remaining siblings looked at each other.

Then, from a best guess probably the third floor, they heard a distant, but very angry "FUCK!"

"Screw this, I'm going to bed." Diego got up and started to walk out, when Five flashed in front of him. 

"SIT BACK DOWN, I WASN'T FINISHED!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long period of ✨nothing✨, I've got ADHD so I lose motivation VERY quickly.  
> But lockdown! So this is probably going to be a more regular thing now, so comment your ideas in the comments. But don't get your hopes up :)  
> (I will try tho)


End file.
